As I sit on the deck, pondering it all and taking it all in… I am left with the pleasant display of the day coming to an end, the sun dipping smoothly across the horizon, the field rabbits making their final dashes in the lush spring grass and the family of ducks trekking back from their pond sitting adventures. I am reminded that the serenity we surround ourselves, in most cases remains unnoticed, it remains lost and forgotten to our minds, as we are too busy keeping the world spinning madly on. Breathing in, breathing out and actually noticing the notion to do so, I am embraced with silence. But soon enough, the silence breaks. Reality reveals there is no silence, but I had just stopped hearing the noise of my mind ticking onward. I can hear the wind, the birds, the rushing wind, the chirping birds. The bark bashing the trees, the leaves catching the bark, and embracing the wind. I can hear it all. In the distance, close, near and afar – the world is still spinning madly on, but it is the world we live in, not what we have created.
Turning 25 has been nothing like I have imagined. Nothing to what I thought would had unraveled by now, or on the day. Being sick in bed most definitely sets the record for the unexpected birthday, but it also gives you time to ponder, to think, to breath and take it all in.
I’ve never really been a man to believe in luck. But I have decided that maybe luck isn’t beating the odds, but it is as told by “Casey Neistat“. That luck is the collision of opportunity and preparation. Everyday we find ourselves in a world of opportunity. Every given moment, every corner and every person we meet. These are all opportunities. But in these moments, in these instances are we actually prepared for however we need to be? Are we prepared fully enable, ignite or fulfill the opportunity before us. The short answer is no. Why? Because we are sidetracked or boxed into this mindset of our routine lives to help our idea of the world to spin madly on.
But on the other-side, we are sometimes always prepared for the perfect opportunity, (the one we are looking for) but sometimes it doesn’t come… and as hard as it is to admit. That is okay too.
I was ever so prepared, actually I have been prepared all year to run on my birthday. That was all I wanted to do. A birthday run. It is my escape, it is my secret place and if any day I deserve to have my time, it should be my birthday. But it didn’t work out. As much as I was prepared, the opportunity did not present itself as I have been sick for the last couple of days including the worse today… and majority of it in bed. Yes I could have run. I could have tried anyway, but that would not have been opportunity, it would have been stupidity.
So what did I do?
I walked. I went for a walk and soaked in what I could. No it was not alone, it was with my brother. I embraced what I could, we went further than normal as we were not bound by time. Post the walk I felt worse than before, but the point is, if I had run then, I would have been even WORSE.
So here I am, watching the sun go down and here I am thinking, I had dreams. I had this idea of what 25 could, would and should have looked like. But it does not look like it. Maybe a little bit here and there, but it isn’t as I had prepared for. It hasn’t been for a lack of trying, committing or chasing, but it is more so that the opportunities have just presented themselves in different ways, slower than expected and maybe I missed some along the way. I was scared to turn 25 as I had all this unstated expectation on myself to prove to my ego that I am good enough. No one has told me to be this way, I have set this course for myself. Now that I am here, I need to realize. Life is a box a chocolates and I not going to know what I am going to get until I open the box, or in this case, I didn’t know until I got here.
So here I am with my box of chocolates open. To my surprise, they are not what I expected. But from the time I set out on this journey till now, my standards for chocolate have gone from an everyday wonder, to a limited amount and them being sugar-free. In short; I have changed my way of thinking, but maybe I didn’t let it sink in. What I have found in the box today isn’t what I necessarily want now anyway, compared to way back when I did.
A little older I am, a little wiser too. All I can say is prepared or not, opportunity given or not. I have made it thus far, with some wins and with some fails, but that expectation will be gone by tomorrow. While writing this I have realized, that from tomorrow I don’t have the unstated expectation anymore of being X and having Y by 25. But now I am free to once again prepare myself for any opportunity to come.
Tomorrow is literally the beginning of the rest of my life….
In reality, I am really just as young as I was 20 years ago. The world was yet to be discovered, I had learned so much already, but plenty more to learn. 5, 25, young or what I am calling old…. nothing really has changed. It’s never too late to chase your childhood dream. I am still just that 5-year-old kid with a big dream to take on the world. My world.
Happy birthday to Me.